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Would you trust your partner THIS much?

This began as a joke. I was the only member of a sectional Swiss team not named Chris, so the team decided I would change my name. To Chris, of course. But then I thought, why stop there? Since I will be playing with the same Chris in the IMP Pairs at the upcoming NABC in St. Louis, I offered that if we win the event (read: if he carries me to victory), I will change my name to anything he wants.

Most folks seemed to expect that I would just throw the event if it looked like I might be in danger of losing my name, but my friend Joel gets it. "Change my name? Hell, I'd have a sex change for an NABC title!" I wouldn't go quite that far, but even if I have to change my name to PiddlePants I. Fart (just call me PP; Ms. Fart is way too formal for a chick like me), I'll be excited to win a national title. I would no doubt get to tell the story of my victory over and over throughout the ages, any time anyone remarks on my curious moniker. And if I ever apply for another job, I don't have to worry about how to make my resume stand out.

I have three different partners lined up for four NABC+ events in St. Louis, and really, it's only fair that I offer similar motivation, similar displays of my trust in each ofthem, isn't it? If we win either the Women's Pairs or Women's Swiss, my partner Theresa will pick out a tattoo for me. Chris #2 didn't want the responsibility of making such a permanent change in my life, so our deal involves streaking. Him? Me? Both of us? You'll just have to wait and see when the Mixed Pairs are final. And I hope you do.

Each of these partners understands that I'm serious with these offers. It's in writing. ON THE INTERNET. That's official, y'all. And the deals aren't just for these four events in St. Louis. If I win any national titles with these guys, I'll follow through. It's probably a long shot, at least for now. I've never been a truly elite bridge player, and my game is more than a little rusty since I quit playing full-time a few years back. Maybe one day I'll find the motivation or have the lightbulb moment that elevates me out of my comfortable position in the lowveralls. You'll know I've made it when you see the headlines of the uniquely-named, tattooed streaker getting arrested outside some Marriott somewhere.

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