Maybe pronounce the U like a schwa? To rhyme with “the”?

How do you pronounce your last name?

I agree with most of this, but because you have 5 diamonds, déclarer us more likely to have a singleton Q of diamonds, as he in fact did. The Ace of Clubs is less likely to get away.
Admittedly the 2nd heart ruff gets lost if West misguesses.

Keith, after trick 1 East has seen every heart spot. West must have started with a singleton. Quite apart from the fact that East can tell from the bidding and dummy's strength that a shift is not going to be helpful.

Declarer's hand was AKQxx KQx Q A10xx. On a club return at trick 3, he makes five. With a diamond return, he is down in four.

Kit you may be right about the UI, but the comment about doing this intentionally is specious. It's like intentionally barring your partner with an insufficient bid, then making it sufficient in the knowledge partner must pass. This is a serious ethical breach and may result in a severe penalty.

A Google search of striped tail ape gives links to the bridge term. There doesn't seem to be an animal with that name.

Oh. I thought those were takeout doubles

I lead my spade, but somehow I misclick ed and it shows the king of hearts!

I am not a director.

1. I would have called the director when you did.
2. I would d have explained to your opponents that West's gratuitous announcement (likely made intentionally to wake up her inexperienced partner) was UI and I would have monitored the auction.
3. If 6D had made I would let the result stand, since it was not reasonable for East to pass 4H with her strong hand, and West had no UI, so she is allowed to field her partner's error.

I know I'm in a minority here, but I feel that babying new players is not productive. They need to learn that calling the director is not an accusation. It is the right thing to do whenever an irregularity occurs, even at a club game.
And the right time to call is the moment the irregularity happens. North-South don't need to know the law, as to when to call. Something happened, and in a friendly, non-accusatory way, you called the director and asked for guidance. This is also part of the learning process.

I think it is also good grammar to pluralize abbreviations with an apostrophe, as in I have many CD's.

My partnership plays Pass as penalty, to expose a psyche by one of the opponents. So I need 1NT to start a scramble. But I admit that xx QJ10xx xxx xxx probably wants to bid a natural 1NT, and pray.

I think our defense is called Donaldson but I may be mistaken:

X = penalty
2C = one or both majors. Partner bids 2D to say he prefers hearts, 2H if he préfers spades.
2D = any three suiter, must include diamonds , 10+ HCP,
2H and 2S = named major and a minor
2NT = minors

Against all ranges. Same system in passout position.

1S natural, less than invitational, 5 or 6 diamonds.
2S splinter in support of hearts
2C forces to 2D, then 2S is natural and invutational
2D any GF, possibly with spades

There used to be a special dispensation for the Woodson Two-way Notrump. I wonder if it is still on the books.

One of many bridge players whose athletic accomplishments have been exaggerated. I have read several times that Robin MacNab, a former ACBL president, was an Olympic pole vaulter. In fact his best performance was a seven-way tie for third in an Ivy League meet. There is also a current well known player whose biography falsely states that he played professional minor league baseball.

There was no bridge player named Sam Frey. There was a Richard Frey, who was the ACBL Bulletin editor. There was a Sam Fry Jr.

What's wrong with 3NT?

Barry you wouldn't be a Patriots fan by any chance? You don't come across as objective