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Oh $#!+ 5NT

I  have recently been reminded of the need for a bridge convention that I invented and believe to be perhaps the most brilliant and even necessary slam tool ever devised.  The convention is called "Oh $#!+ 5NT."  What, you ask, is that?

Many people have an obscure and rarely used meaning for a 5NT call in a slam sequence.   Maybe grand slam force, which comes up once every 20 years.  Maybe some number of key cards and a void, which occurs much more often, like every 10 years.  Maybe second tier train left for Clarksville but we might want to jump off the train.  Whatever.

Let's be real.  These meanings never come up.  What does occur, maybe once every 6 months, is this problem...

What the heck is 4NT here?  Or, why is partner cuebidding when I am looking at both honors and he cannot. be short?  Or, is 4NT quantitative, RKCB,  or natural? ??

In other words,  high level auctions ooccasionally go off the rails, much more often than obscure technical 5NT opportunities. 

Thus, OH $#!+ 5NT.   In any slam auction, OS5NT people define 5NT as a non-forcing bid showing serious doubt about something in the auction.  It demands that partner ask no more questions.   Instead, partner is forced to place the contract, perhaps passing, on what he knows or thinks he knows, or thinks he can figure out from likely derailment possibilities.   General principles. 

Now, there also is some merit to Oh $#!+ 4S, and even Oh $#!+ 3S in some auctions, but these conventional analogue are difficult to spot, and hence reserved for the most advanced of auction botching partnerships.   Oh $#!+ 4D is useful for 1NT sequences, when Opener, for example,  cannot recall whether transfers are on.  But, I don't want the average stumblebunny getting bogged down with these types of expert tools.  For most of us, OS5NT works on its own and is a critical first step.

One last note, however.   Don't ever double OS5NT.   The post alert of Moscow OS5NT Escapes is too much for civilized folk to hear.

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